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DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is Given. 



COMEDIES, MELODRAMAS, Etc. 



All that Glitters is not Gold, 2 
acts, 2 hrs 

Aunt Dinah's Pledge, temper- 
ance, 2 acts, J hr 

Beggar Venus, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 
min (25c) 

Blow for Blow, 4 acts, 2 hrs . . . 

Bonnybell, operetta, 1 h. (25c). 

Caste, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 min 

Chimney Corner, 2 acts, 1 hr. 
30 min 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs 

Diplomates, 4 acts, 3 hrs. (25c) 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 
30 min , (25c) 

Early Vows, 2 acts, 1 hr. .(25c) 

East Lynne, 5 acts, 2 hrs 

Elma, The Fairy Child, 1 hr. 
45 min., operetta. ..(25c) 

Enchanted Wood (The),lhr. 
45 min., operetta (35c) 

Eulalia, 1 h. 30 min (25c) 

From Sumter to Appomattox, 
4 acts.2hrs 30min..(25c) 

Fru'th c' ine Wine Cup, tem- 
perance, dfcCts, 1 hr 

Handy Andy, Irish, 2 acts, 1 
hr. 30 min 

Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs 

Jedediah Judkins, J. P., 4 acts, 
.2hr. 30 min (25c) 

Lady of Lyons, 5 acts, 2 hrg.SO 
min 

London Assurance, 5 acts, 2 
hrs. 30 min 

Lost in London, 3 acts, 1 hr. 45 
min o 

Louva the Pauper, 5 acts, 1 hr. 
45 min 

Michael Erie, 2 acts,l hr. 30 m. 

Mitsu-Yu-Nissi, Japanese Wed- 
ding, 1 hr. 15 min 

Money, 5 acts, 3 hrs 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 

Not such a Fool as he Looks, 3 
acts, 2 hrs 

Odds with the Enemy, 5 acts, 2 
hrs .... 

Only Daughter (An), 3 acts, 1 
hr. 15 min 

On the Brink, temperance, 2 
acts, 2 hrs 

Our Country, 3 acts, 1 hr 

Ours, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 min 

Out in the Streets, temperance, 

1 hr. 15 min 

Pet of Parsons' Ranch, 5 acts, 

2hrs 

Pocahontas.musical burlesque, 

2 acts, 1 hr 

Rivals, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 45 min. . 
School Ma'am (The), 4 acts, 1 

hr. 45 min 



M. P. 
6 3 
6 3 



9 15 



12 

10 

6 

6 

9 

10 

8 



6 6 
9 3 
4 6 

5 

7 
5 



6 5 



7 3 

8 a 



3 2 



M. P. 

Sea Drift, 4 acts, 2 hrs 6 2 

Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 1 hr. 

15 min 7 3 

Shadow Castle, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 30 

min (25c) 5 4 

Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 2 

hrs..20min 8 3 

Solon ShinglC; 1 hr. 30 min, ... 7 2 
Sparkling Cup, temperance, 5 

acts, 2 hrs 12 4 

Ten Nights in a Barroom, tem- ' 

perance, 5 acts, 2 hrs 7 4 

Ticket of Leave Man, 4 acts, 2 

hrs. 45 min 8 3 

Tony, the Convict, 5 acts, 2 

hrs.30min (25c) 7 4 

Toodles, 2 acts, 1 hr. 15 min.. 6 2 

Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2% h. (25c) 8 3 
Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 1 hr. 

45 min 5 4 

Under the Spell, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 

30min (25c) 7 3 

Wedding Trip (The),2 acts,l 

hr.. 3 2 

Won at Last, 3 acts, 1 hr. 45 

min 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs 

FARCES AND SKETCHES. 

Assessor, sketch, 10 min 

Babes in Wood, burlesque, 25 

min 4 3 

BadJob,30min 3 2 

Bardell vs. Pickwick, 25 min.. 6 2 

Beautiful Forever, 30 min 2 2 

Blind Margaret, musical, 30 m. 3 3 

Borrowing Trouble, 25 min.... 3 5 

Breezy Call, 25 min 2 1 

Bumble's Courtship, sketch, 

18min 1 1 

Cabman No. 93, 40 mm 2 2 

Christmas Ship, musical, 20 m. 4 3 

Circumlocution Office, 20 min. 6 

Country Justice, 15 min . 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 

min 3 2 

Cut off with a Shilling, 25 min. 2 1 

Deception, 30 min 3 2 

Desperate Situation, 25 min. .. 2 3 

Dutchman in Ireland, 20 min. 3 

Fair Encounter, sketch, 20 m. 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

Free-Knowledgp-ist, 2 acts, 25 

min 3 3 

Friendly Move, sketch, 20 m.. 4 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 

Hard Cider, temperance, 15 m. 4 2 

Homoeopathy, Irish, 30 min 5 3 

Ici on Pcrle Francais, 40 m ... 4 3 

I'll Stay Awhile, 20 min 4 

I'm not Mesilf at All, Irish, 25 

min 3 2 

Initiating a Granger, 25 min. ..80 

In the Dark 25 min 4 2 



T. S. DENISON, Publisher, 163 Randolph St., Chicago. 



SETH GREENBACK. 



.^^ XDIS-<f^3^.A.. 



IN FOUR ACTS. 



.^' 0-"' 

TYsf^DENISON, 



Author of **Odds7vitk the Enemy," "Louva the Pauper,^* *''Tlu Sparkling 

Cup,'* **W^a}tted, a Correspondent''' '^^ Initiating a Grajiorer,"^ '•'■A 

Family Strike,"" "Hans Von Smash," "Two Ghosts in White," 

**The Pull- Back," "The Assessor," ''Country 

fustice," "Borrowing Trouble^* 

"Our Country," Eia 



CHICAGO: 

T. s. iDE3sriso:]sr. 

Copyright, 1877, by T. S. Denison. 












'^^>;v 



CHARACTERS. 



Seth Greenback. Lark, 

Dr. Esty, Grubber, 

Frank, Mrs. Geeenback, 

Pat Muldawn, Millie Winfieli>, 

•^^LIGH, MOLLIE. 



COSTUMES. 



Any clothing suited to the social standing of the wearer. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R means right as the actor faces the audience ; L, left ; C, centre. 



•>y* 



SETH GREENBACK. 



j^cru I. 

Scene, Se^/i Greenback' s sitting room. Furniture mostly ola fash- 
ioned and incongruous^ furnishing evidences of decided peculiarities 
in the owner. Table in C, sofa Z., chairs R and L ; heavy pictures 
on the walls y one, the portrait of a beatitiful boy, over table C, is 
draped lightly in mourning. General effect is sombre, but conveys 
the impression of wealth and intelligence. 

Pat. (^Pacing floor.') Howly saints! was iver a man wrought as 
I'm wrought? Faith an' not a bit longer will I sarve ould Greenback, 
or my name is not. Pat Muldawn. 

Millie. [Entering R.) What's the matter now, Pat? You are get- 
ting into a pet nearly every day with Mr. Greenback lately. 

Pat. An' it's your precious self that's a pet, Millie, shwate rosebud. 

Millie. Pat, you're silly; I'm nobody's pet. 

Pat. Faith an' ye desarve to be, an' I'll pet ye meself if nobody 
else will. 

Millie. Balderdash ! Pat, you have too much blarney. I reckon 
I'll get along as I have been doin'. 

Pat. As ye have been doin' ! An' how's that? Haven't ye been 
rulin' this house almost intirely. Not but what ye should, lor ould 
Greenback is a mean ould tyrant. But how ye manage him is more 
than I can tell. I niver was anybody's pet, exceptin' one man, an' that 
was very unfortunate. 

Millie. Ha ! Ha ! He was unfortunate in selectin' his favorites, I 
s'pose ? 

Pat. Shure it was meself that was unfortunate in the selection. 
For he kept borryin' me hard earnin's that I saved, and niver a blissed 
cint of me wages did he pay me at all. 

Millie. Why, Pat, how could you loan him your hard earnin's if 
he never paid you any money? 

Pat. Faith, an' I lint him cash in hand that he should have paid 
me, but never did. He gave me some quare little slips of paper he 
called due bills. 

Millie. And they are still due bills. 



56 SETII GREENBACK. 

Pat. Ay, and well named, for I'm thinkin' they will never ho. paid 
bills, for the poor gintleman died and bequeathed all his liabilities to 
an imgrateful father, an' by me sowl the ould gintleman intirely refused 
the legacy. 

Alillie. So for want of anything better you concluded to try Mr. 
Greenback's. 

Pat. Yis, out of necessity. Now if there is any vartue in larnin' 
temperate ways, and practicin' self denial, you see I'm makin' a vartue 
of necessity. 

Millie. Mr. Greenback must be mighty virtuous if he can make 
virtues out of the necessities of other folks. ■ 

Pat. Ay, the ould skinflint. He's a paragon of virUie. He's above 
timptation. You might as well try to get a war-whoop out of a tobaccy 
sign by callin' him bad names, as to try to tempt the ould miser from 
his beaten paths. 

Millie. I wish his appetite would tempt him to get us somethin' fit 
to eat, I'm nearly starved. 

Pat. True, Millie, an' ye be. Ye're gettin' thin and maigre like. 
{Pinches her cheek and attempts to kiss her.') 

Enter Mrs. G. R. 

Millie. {Slaps his ears.) Keep your distance, you blockhead! 
( Turns away angrily.) 

Mrs. G. Dear me ! Pat, such conduct is very improper. I can't 
allow it. 

Pat. ( To Mrs. G.) Troth an' I think so too, to be nappin' a fel- 
low's noggin in that style. {To Millie.) Me distance you want me 
to kape, is it? Faith, an' I think I'll kape it a trifle further away from 
ye. {Rubs his face.) 

Airs. G. Pat, you should be in the field at this time of day. This 
is the very rush of the harvest. (Millie busies herself arranging 
books on table.) 

Pat. Is it indade, mam? {Aside.) It was always me bad luck to 
be unlucky. 

Mrs. G. Pat, you prefer talking to the girls rather than pitching 
hay. Doubtless it's pleasanter, but it don't suit folks who have to hire 
help to have them employed in that way. 

Pat. Indade, mam! {Aside.) Begorrah, I can't snatch a minute 
with the girrels but some spalpeen's yelpin', Pat! work! 

Airs. G. Pat, you had better go before Mr. Greenback comes in. 
He won't like it to see you here. 

Pat. I'm off at onct, mam. {Exit Mrs. G. L.) 

Millie. {Angrily.) Pat, don't you dare touch me again, you great, 
impudent booby. What will Mrs. Greenback think ? If you do that 
again I'll break your Irish pate. {Slaps him again.) 

Pat. {Comically.) May I look at ye iver again ? 

Millie. Sass-box ! 

Pat. {Rubs his face.) Millie, just keep your pet names and your 
carisses for some one else, won't ye? I never could stand such things 
onyhow. They turn me head entirely. {Aside.) An' that last turned 



SETIi GREENBACK. 57 

me body too. {Aloud,) Kape all your puvty sayin's for master PYank. 
Poor boy, he needs a dale of sympathy. 

Millie. {Seating herself R of table.) Pat, you're a dunce. Frank 
does not need pretty sayin's as much as he needs kind treatment and 
good friends. 

Pat. {Stands behind chair L of table., puts one foot on chair round 
and leans right elbow on chair back, head resting on hand in an easy 
attitude.) Now ye've hit it to a /. But he'll have one good friend as 
long as Pat Muldawn's got a shilling, and I'm thinkin' he'll have 
another while yerself is to the fore. 

Millie. {Slightly confused.) Yes, Pat, we must stand by him, for 
he has no other friends in the world except Mrs, Greenback, and she 
is afear'd to speak a word in his favor. 

Pat. It's a ragin' shame the way that ould tyrant does bate him. 

Millie, {Starting violently.) Oh, Pat, has he whipped Frank again ? 
( Walks the floor in great agitation ) 

Pat. He began it, but he never finished the dirty job, for I heerd 
the racket and was in the barn immagitly, and I'm thinkin' me remarks 
on that occasion were more convincin' than illegant. 

Millie. I hope you didn't insult him, Pat. He's awful squeamish 
about such things, and it would only be worse for Frank. 

Pat. Niver an insult did I give him. Says I but I'll not repeat 

all I said. Says I, " Mr. Greenback, just drop that ould horsewhip, or 
I'll be afther breakin' ivery bone in your body." 

Millie. The old fiend ! 

Pat. An' says he, " Pat, you're in a passion." Says I, "Shure an' 
I am. It makes me very blood boil with shame to see you strike that 
poor crayture who would now be nearly a grown man if ye hadn't 
starved his poor life out of him." He turned dreadful rid in the face, 
and I seed I'd raised a breeze an' must stop the rumpus s me way. 
Says I, " An' it's all about an ould shovel handle not worth a dime. 
Mr. Greenback, you know I'm perfectly willin' to make a new handle 
durin' me leisure, and not charge ye a cint." An' says he, " All I'ight, 
Pat; but be careful you don't say something sometime that you will 
always regrit." As he went out I wondered whether he iver regretted 
anything he iver did, or iver did anything a dacint man wouldn't regrit. 

Millie. {Indignantly)) The disgrace! To think of his strikin' 
poor Frank like a slave. But he da'sn't strike him when I'm around. 
I'd like to see him strike me onct, if he dares. 

Pat. Shure and what would he think if he should be after strikin' 
you? 

Millie. Think ! I wouldn't giVe him time to think. 

Pat. He'd be after thinkin' he'd mowed into a hornet's nest. 

Millie. Well, if I seen such meanness goin' on I could be as spite- 
ful as a hornet without half tryin'. {In her excitement knocks a small 
vase from the table and breaks it.) 

Pat. Faith an' I believe it. 

Millie. Shut up, you monkey ! I mustn't let the old man see this. 
i Picks up pieces of vase.) Frank is too good. He actually likes Mr. 
Greenback ; says he was good to him, and furnished him a home when 



58 SETH GREENBACK. 

he had none. A precious home, to be a galley slave for a mean pit- 
tance of clothing and coarse food, I'd as lief go to the poor house for 
my part. And Frank thinks that old Greenback is generous. You 
know he gave Frank an old gold walch. Heaven only knows what 
made him do such a recklessly extravagant thing. I s'pose he couldn't 
get rid of the watch any other way. But he must have been beside 
himself when he gave it away. 

Pat. He wasn't beside himself. He was beside the boy. I seed 
him when he gave it. He handed it to Frank, and says he, *' Frank, 
here's a watch you may have. I had a boy once. He would have 
been about your age now, if Providence had not taken him from me." 
An' would you belave it, Millie, he actually shid tears, an' Frank 
cried like a five year old spalpeen; an' says he, "Oh, Mr. Greenback, 
you've been very good to me, and I've been awkward, and careless, 
and ungrateful." An' Mr. Greenback says, says he, " Niver mind, 
Frank, I haven't done much for you." An' he left the room so kind o' 
sudden I couldn't help feelin' sorry for him, for it was one of his awfur 
blue days, when he looks so worn an' sad lookin'. Thin I thought of 
the day he rapped me over the head for breakin' a wheelborry, and 
called me a green Irishman. An' I restrained me tears, and rekivered 
me manhood immagitly. {^Straightens up and tries to look dignified^ 

Millie. So you call that manly to hide your tears when your sympa- 
thies were excited. Pah ! such manhood, Patrick I Smiles may be 
counterfeit, but tears mean something. 

Pat. Shure an' it's meself can testify to that, for didn't me tears 
have a dale of meanin' when ye pulled my hair and pounded me nog- 
gin, because I said you were the purtiest girrel in the county, an' that 
your rosy lips were spilin' for a kiss, which I was ready to administer. 
I'm a man of me worred, an' I'm willin' yet to do that same. {Seats 
himself^ and leans across the table toward MiLLlE.) 

Millie. When you get an opportunity, ha ! ha ! {Rising, begins to 
dust and arrange the rooin^ 

Enter Frank R. 

Frank. Have you curried the horses yet, Pat? You know Mr, 
Greenback is in a hurry to start to town, and we must get to work at 
the hay. There's not a minute to lose. 

Pat. Shure Master Frank, an' ye's in a great hurry. The hay will 
not be dry for an hour. Take it aisy a bit. 

Frank. Take time by the forelock, Pat. 

Pat. Be jabers, an' if ye take him by the forelock too early in the 
mornin' ye must howld him all day. Frank, ye are larnin' the'ways of 
Mr. Greenback very fast. Faith an' ye are as anxious about the hay 
as the ould miser himself. What interest have ye in the hay ? It 
doesn't pay us to fret about the farmin'. The master will attend to 
that. 

Millie. He will let nothing suffer for want of fussin' over, 

Frank. It pays to do right, Pat, Mr, Greenback depends on us 
to lead in the field. If we don't get out the teams in time, will the other 
men follow ? 



SETH GREENBACK. 59 

Pat. Shure an' are we the main depindence? If I'm the boss in 
the master's absence, I'll get the worth oi the money out of them lazy 
spalpeens. [Rises — sticks his t}nt?nbs in arm-holes of his vest, and 
straightens up with an air of importance.) Faith an' the idlin' rascals 
wouldn't aim their salt if it wasn't for a drivin' boy like meself to lead 
them. 

Fra7ik. You must have been born to lead, Patrick. 

Pat. An' ye be flatterin' now. May I inquire the grounds of your 
opinion ? 

Frank. Because it is hard to get you to follow. 

Enter Greenback L. All start iti surprise. 

G. I think he'll follow me. It's confounded queer that servants 
can't get to work without being watched. I sent you after Pat an hour 
ago, Frank. What have you been doing? Spending your time here 
gossiping; keeping Millie from the work she should have finished long 
ago. I've a notion to shake you. [Pat behiJtd him shaking his fists 
at htm ) 

Altllie. {Aside. ) The old crocodile ! 

G. A half dozen men around, and not one on hand when you want 
him. Here I've had to hitch up myself, when I'm in a desperate 
hurry. And you lazy louts are gossiping with the girls. 

Frank. Mr. Greenback, I couldn't find Pat. I went to the barn 
to call him, but — 

G. No excuse for idleness. Oh ! you will all be the death of me 
yet! {Fidgets nervously^ 

Pat. {Aside.) Amin to that rem.ark. 

G. {Furiously .) Why do you stand here gaping like a lot of 
idiots. Get to work at once every one of you. [Exeunt Pat and 
Frank L, Millie runs out R. In her hur^y drops a piece of the 
vase. ) 

G. {Calling L.) Pat! Pat! {Enter V A-T .) Put the ponies in the 
stable. I'm not going to-day. It's too late, curse it ! 

Pat. Shure an' if ye plaze it's only a trifle beyant nine. 

G. I said it was too late. Did you hear ? Put the ponies in the 
stable, and get to the hayfield at once. 

Pat. Yis, sur, immagitly. {Aside.) If not sooner. {Going L. 
Aside.) Begorrah, an' the ould man has one of his tantrums to-day. 
{Exit L.) 

G. { Walking the floor in agitation. Sees piece of vase and picks 
it up.) What's this? {Musingly.) The work of a careless servant. 
So much money thrown away! Mrs. Greenback wdl have such things. 
Talks of art and its refining influences. Well, I thought so once too, 
but I should like to see the art that can refine this household. My 
life is like that vase, once fair, now in ruins. Why didn't I go ? I 
can't stay here. Oh, what can quiet the scorpion-like stings of remorse ! 
They gnaw my very heart strings, and turn my home into a. hell, in 
which I am the presiding demon. The delirious starts of a morbid 
conscience prey with keener tooth because no penitence comes to soothe 
the hideous wound. No, there is no repentance for the miser. Miser! 



6f SETH GREENBACK. 

did i say? How that odious word once made my ears tingle with 
shame, when first I heard it flung at me in bitter taunt. Oh, God, how 
I've changed ! I'm no longer the same man. 'Tis well I bear a new 
narriC, the badge of my dishonor, which, partly blazoning my character, 
better hides my former self My eye no longer sees the mocking leer, nor 
hears my ear the scornful gibe. My every faculty, like my soul, slum- 
bers to all but baser, grosser objects. Men despise, and righteously 
too, the hated miser. But the r contempt is only a tithe of that which 
I would heap mountains high upon my own debased self But why 
despise the creature of our own making? Deliberately I so'd myself 
for gold. I signed and sealed the contract, and daily pay to Mammon 
his hateful interest, cent, per cent. Worse shame, I sought to exalt 
and enrich my own flesh and blood at the expense of a father's dis- 
honor. An incensed deity rebuked my idolatry, and took from me my 
precious child, but left me the curse. That will never depart. I am 
doomed and damned forever. 

Enter R Mrs. Greenback. 

Mrs. G. Seth, I thought you had gone to the city this morning. 
What has caused this sudden change of mind ? I saw the ponies at 
the door a moment ago. 

G. Ask me no questions. Have you nothing better to do than waste 
your time and mine with idle questions? 

Mrs. G. Seth, your despondent moods have grown more frequent 
lately. You must not give way to them. They bode no good to your 
peace of mind. 

G. {Savagely.) Peace of mind ! Dare you speak again of peace 
of mind? True, 1 have no peace, but my mind will hold its sway 
while life remains I have been a fool, but I never will be a madman, 
even to please you. 

Mrs. G. To please me ! Seth, how can you speak so ? Is it pos- 
sible that you think your own wife can find pleasure in your distress. 
Your troubles are my troubles; your grief is my grief ; your joy my 
joy. Would that your love were mine as mine is yours. It would 
make a better man of you. 

G. Mary, cease your wretched prating about love. Once we loved 
with as strong and holy affection as human beings can know. But that 
is past. Stony indifference has taken its place. We are not the same. 
{With feeling.) God knows we are not. Our love lies sleeping in 
the silent tomb, and it were hollow mockery to fan those cold ashes, 
hoping to start the sacred flame. 

Mrs. G. Seth, I own your words are sadly true when you speak of 
icy indifference. Whatever else may fail let us still cling to truth and 
candor. Do you doubt me now, when I solemnly assure you that my 
love has sprung into new life, and that I still love you devotedly? 

G. Doubt your word ? No. But I do doubt the existence of the 
feeling that you speak of You deceive yourself Remember that we 
agreed together years ago that our early love was dead. Was not that 
a fair understanding ? And do you now censure me for accepting your 
own statements ? No, we are like two neighboring mountain peaks, 



SETH GREENBACK. 6i 

linked together yet distinct and silent, nothing to each other but near 
neighbors, 

Mrs. G. Seth, you deceive yourself; 'tis not I. Since the sad time 
of which you speak, my love has been born again and strengthened by 
sorrow. It is stronger, deeper, and holier to-day than was the plighted 
lait'A of the young girl at the altar years ago. \Beseechingly puts her 
hand on his sJioulder.) Seth, do you still doubt? Can you yet return 
my love? 

G. Never! Can a stone feel grateful because it is set in a corner? 
Mary, you have wasted your love on a wretch who cannot return it, on 
a half-man whose better nature has perished, and whose baser parts 
run riot in the ruins. Your revelation only adds tenfold to my misery, 
because I deserve no love, and despise to owe anybody. 

Airs. G. Cease your avaricious ways, and be a man again, is all I 
ask. 

G. All you ask! Woman, are you mad? What greater request 
could you ask of me ? 

Airs. G. At least make restitution to those you have wronged. 
Have your brother Will and his family no claims upon you? Must he 
be forever wronged ? 

G. Wronged ! And who brought his wrongs upon him ? Can Jie 
not blame his own shameless dissipation and wickedness? 

Airs. G. But he is a man now, and we have reason to believe a bet- 
ter man. Seth, to repair the wrong you have done him will make a 
better man of you. Justice demands it. 

G, A better man of me ! I am a bad man. But it is hard to be 
taunted about one's crimes by those who have counseled their perpe- 
tration. Woman, {Pointing at her.) my life has rested under one long, 
baleful curse, and you have not laid a finger to the lightening of that 
curse. I do not complain, but I speak plain truth. Did you not advise 
me to retain Will's money, and to stand silent when his enemies drove 
him to the wall? 

Mrs. G. I did. I am willing to bear my full burden of shame. 
But can we not yet atone for our crime, partly, at least? I have a 
thousand times regretted our wicked course and its shameful conse- 
quences. 

G. Wife, it is too late. The deed is done. You wished station in 
society, I desired wealth and influence for the sake of my darling boy. 
Where is your station, and where is my influence? Ha! ha! we have 
a name, 'tis true. I bear the name that was always on my tongue, and 
among strangers we cany the synonym of our ruling passion. Is it bet- 
ter than the one we dishonored in our native land ? 

Mrs. G. [Pleadingly.) Oh, Seth, it is not too late. It is never 
too late to repent of sin, and turn to righteousness. Don't continue to 
harden your heart. Remember our lost Frank. We saved for him. 
He is taken from us. Let us devote our wealth to the good of others. 
Can it be that you still await his return ? ( Turns toward wall point' 
ing to the picture of the young boy.) Vain hope ! Sad hope ! 

G. I do not expect the grave to give up its ill-gotten gains. He is 
gone forever. 



62 SETH GREENBACK. 

Mrs. G. Then why not do justice ? His angel cheeks {Still point- 
ing to the picture.') would blush with crimson dye could he know what 
has been done in his name, and what has not been undone. Has the 
remembrance of him no power yet to bless ? 

G. None ! The worship of Mammon has fretted his sweet image 
into a mocking phantom, to taunt me in my dreams. The gold hoarded 
for him has cursed me, though we meant it to bless him. But it shall 
curse no other soul. N© one shall have a penny of it till 1 die. They 
call me Old Greenback, a skinflint and a miser, and I shall remain so. 
You speak of repentance. You will be the better for it, and I will be 
the worse by contrast. I am past repentance, or the power to feel any 
of the finer emotions of the human soul. 

Mrs. G. If not for Will's sake, think of his wife and child, and 
when you think of His child remember your own Frank. 

G. I have ever i-emembered him with gall in my heart. His fate 
was cruder than death. He received no mercy, and I will show none. 

Mrs. G. Hard and unmerciful. ( Turns away toward 7?.) 

G. 'Tis useless to plead. 

Mrs. G. {Aside.) A madman in truth. Lost to every sense of 
honor. [Exit J^.) 

G. Mary's conscience, after a long sleep, is aroused at last. {Paces 
/loor.) She will no longer allow me a moment's peace until I make 
full restitution. No longer will we be in sympathy, and the last link 
which binds me to the past and to my fellows, is severed. Her words 
are the voice of truth. I know I should be a better man Reason 
remains to me in full vigor, but Avarice, the master, nods imperiously 
to her helpless slave, and moral faculties are sunk in helpless imbe- 
cility. Why was our family doomed ? A fond father and mother 
would turn in their graves if they knew the fate of their promising 
sons {Enter Pat tinobserved^ L.\ one a miser, a by-word and a 
reproach among his fellow-men ; the other a prodigal, a reveler, a 
gambler, a criminal. A criminal! dreadful thought! but what am' I, 
too, but a criminal ? Perhaps it was rij^jht to withhold his patrimony 
when he knew not how to save it. At least it was prudent. But what 
was it to retain it when he plead for his rights? Crime ; a foul wrong 
against which a youthful brother and his starving wife and babe have 
plead in vain. Oh, God of justice, let me be a man again ! I swear 
to Thee {Drops on his knees.) — No, I'll not swear. I dare not. In 
the years long gone, before my manhood ceased to struggle with my 
baser self, I have resolved again and again, and broken all my resolu- 
tions. I'll not swear. {Rises.) It would only sink me deeper in the 
ominous shades which are surely closing over me. It is useless to 
struggle ; all is lost, lost ! {Exit R.) 

Pat. Shure an' here's a pretty rivalation. The ould chap's been 
chatin' his kinfolk, l:)ad luck to him. He says he won't swear. I'm 
thinkin' swearin' would be a refreshin' vartue after such thricks as his. 
(Enter Millie R.) After all he seemed awful sorry like. 

Millie. Pat, what are you talking to yourself about ? 

Pat. The vartues of the master. 

Millie. I did not know he had any to discuss. 



SETH GREENBACK. 63 

Pat. Shure, Millie, an' there's a good streak in his character after 
all. You know he gets the dumps, and feels sorry like, an' he can be 
ginerous, too, when he tries. 

Alillie.. Yes, if it's generous to give choice wines to strangers, and 
feed the family on crusts and old bones. 

Pat. Divil take me if I don't think the master's a dissicted puzzle, 
anyway. He got put together wrong. (Frank calls Pat Z.) I'm 
comin', sir, directly in haste, as soon as I get a jug of water for the 
boys. {Exit Pat L Millie R.) 

Curtain. 



^OT IX. 

Scene, same as Act I. Frank assisting Millie to arrange the fur- 
niture. Millie dusting the room. 

Millie. Frank, you are down in the mouth about something. 
What's the matter? 

Frank. I've been thinking. 

Millie. What are you thinking about, Frank? 
' Frank. About you, Millie. 

Millie. {Starts slightly, and turns to hide her blushes.) About 
me. That's odd. 

Frank. I was thinking what a good friend you have been to me, 
and wondering why you should befriend such an unpromising specimen 
as myself. 

Millie. I've learned one thing, and that is, that it aint always prom- 
isin' people that does most. 

Frank. And you think that mebbe I'll do something because I 
don't promise. Well, I'm sure I don't know what I can ever do. 
Somehow I've been awful unlucky. When them fellows stole me 
away from home they did the business for me. I haint got on the 
track just right yet. 

Millie. And you never will while you stay here. Why don't you 
run away. It's a shame for you to work so hard for nothing. Pat and 
me get our pay, but you get nothin', only ill-usage. I wouldn't stand it. 

Frank. If it hadn't been for you and Pat I believe I'd died long 
ago. But I'll never run away. Please don't mention that again. I 
won't sneak off like a thief or a coward. Mr. Greenback took me in 
when I was a little thing, not able to earn much, and I'm going to re- 
pay him. 

Millie. You've already repaid him a hundred fold. 

Frank. This is my home, the only place in the world where any- 
body cares anything for me, and I'm going to stay here. Mrs, 



64 SETH GREENBACK. 

Greenback is kinder now than she used to be. Mr. Greenback wants 
to be kind too if he could. 

Millie. But he's so mean he can't. 

Frank. Don't say that, Millie. You don't know how he feels. 
Sometimes he looks so careworn and wishful, like he'd lost some- 
thing, and acts so queer that you'd nearly cry to see him. I pity him, 
for I know somelhing awful's happened him sometime. He shows it. 

Millie. That's when his tenants don't pay the rent. 

Frank. No, it ain't that, neither. It's some grief. He talks to 
himself, and goes on awfully. That is, he used to more than now, 
when I came here, ten years ago. I believe Mr. Greenback wants to 
be good, and knows that he ought. 

Millie. Of course he knows it. He's no fool. Ten years ! What 
a long time. I've been here six, but if it wasn't that Greenback is 
good pay, I wouldn't stay another day. 

Enter Pat R. 

Pat. Faith, an' I'm thinkin' ye has a different raison intirely. 

Millie. What's that? 

Pat. Shure an' Master Frank is here, to say nothin' of the other 
attractions. (Aside.) Be jabers, an' I'm here meself. 

Millie. Other attractions ! Fiddlesticks. Yourself, I s'pose! 

Pat. Meself! Howly prophets! I've been called by a good 
many names in my time, some of them illegant and some of them not, 
but I niver was called by such a convanient title as fiddlesticks. Faith, 
an' its appropriate too, for I'll not die with all my music in me. ( Whis- 
tles ''Pat M alloy.'") 

Millie. Pat, you're a fool. 

Pat. Begorrah, an' I have it now. Ye called me fiddlesticks, not 
because of my music, though that is very shwate and inticin', but 
because I'm always getting into scrapes. 

Frank. Hist ! You'll get into another soon. Mr. Greenback is 
coming. 

Millie. Goodness sake ! {Runs out R, Pat atid FRANK folio-w- 
ing.) 

Enter Greenback L, carrying a quilt xvhich he throws on sofa., L. 

G. ( Calls savagely.) Pat ! Frank ! come back ! ( They turti toward 
him.) What are you doing here you lazy louts ? Can't I go away 
from home for an hour without cojning back and finding you loafing 
around the house? Be off at once, both of you. {They start 
R.) Hold on, Pat. Bring in a basket of early harvests which I 
brought from the orchard. They're at the gate. They are beauties. 
No finer fruit in this country than my orchard produces. Hurry up, 
Pat. 

Pat. All right, sir. {Exit Z.) 

Enter Mrs. G. R. 
Mrs. G. Where have you been, Seth ? 



SETH GREENBACK. 65 

G. Down at Burns's, Crops are looking splendid. The wheat 
shocks are thicker than I ever saw them before, I think. If the rain 
don't spoil them. 

Mrs. G. Never mind the rain. We shall have plenty anyway. 

G. There's a great risk in farming. There's either too much rain 
or none, 

Mrs. G. Even Providence can't please a grumbler. 

G. I'm Hot grumbling, Mrs. G,, I'm thankful. 

Mrs. G. If the potatoes hadn't failed. 

G. I came through the big orchard coming back. The trees are 
bending with apples. I brought up a basketful. The first ripe brought 
a dollar a bushel. The market is glutted now, and I'm afraid we'll 
have to use them ourselves. It's a pity though. They are too nice to 
use at home. Here's Pat now, {Enter Pat L, with basket of go/den 
apples.) Beauties aren't they, Mary? {Places basket on chair L of 
table. ) 

Mrs. G. Very fine, Seth ! Can't we have some for dinner? 

G. I suppose so. One apiece will be sufficient, will it not? They 
are large you see. 

Mis. G. They are not the choicest. {Holds one tip.) You sold 
the best. Besides we want some for pies. 

G. Pies I Pies! Pies are expensive; besides they are not whole- 
some. Doctors will all tell you that. 

Pat. {Aside.) Doctors be hanged for such haythenish advice. 

Mrs. G. Seth Greenback, what's the use of starving your family 
when bushels of fruit are rotting under the trees, and you can't sell it, 
I won't be scrimped to death any longer, 

G. I think prices will rise. 

Pat. {Aside.) Such financeerin' strikes me dumb with admiration, 

Mrs. Gt I'm going to live if prices do rise. 

G. Well, you may use these anyway. Pat, I grow the best apples 
in the country. These have a splendid flavor. Try them. 

Pat. Thank ye, an' I will, {Takes ati apple from the basket. Is 
about to bite it.) 

G. Wait a minute, Pat. Too much raw fruit is not safe at this sea- 
son. You know they have the cholera in the city. Let's divide. 
( Takes the apple from Pat, cuts off a small slice and hands it to Pat 
on the knife.) What a flavor they have! 

Pat. Don't you think, sir, I'd better only smell the knife? I'm 
afeerd of the cholera, 

Mrs. G. Pat, you deserve another slice for that, {Laughs.) 

G. Pat, you are too much of a wag ever to succeed in this world. 

Pat. Faith, then I'm thinkin' I'll take the praste's advice and keep 
a close eye to the nixt, where I'll take a fresh start, may be in better 
company. ( TaJies the apple. ) 

G Pat, an empty stomach makes a clear head. 

Pat. {Aside.) An' a fat pocket-book makes a lean sowl, (Green- 
back cuts a sinall slice for Mrs. G., one for himself and places 
the remainder of the apple in the basket. Attention of Mrs. G. is 
attracted to the quilt. ) 



66 SETH GREENBACK. 

Mrs. G. I declare if Millie hasn't brought a quilt in here and left 
it. I never knew her to be so careless before. {Picks up quilt.) No, 
that is not ours. How could it have come here ? 

G. I got it at Burns's. 

Mrs. G. The one the Sewing Society gave them last winter 
{Holding it up.) Did you dare to take that ? 

G. There was nothing else to take, 

Mrs. G. Then I'd do without the rent forevtr before I.'d take away 
the bed of a poor invalid woman. 

Fat. {Aside.) Be jabers, he only took the kiver, 

G. I'll teach him to go off and work for Jones when he owes me. 

Mrs. G. Have you no conscience? 

G. If you please, Mrs. Greenback, we will say nothing about con- 
science. 

Pat. Faith, Missus an' I can explain that, beggin' your pardon. 
Your husband's conscience is ashlape, an' he wanted a quilt to tuck it 
up in. 

G. Get out, you Irish vagabond, or I'll crack your rattle head for 
you. {Rushes at Pat, 2uho exits P.) Mary, {I??iperiousIy .) take out 
these apples and that quilt. 

Mrs. G. {Takes up quilt and basket. Aside.) What shall I do? 
I dare not return it. {Exit P.) 

Knocking heard L. Mr. G. goes to door. Enter Grubber, Esty> 

and Sligh. 

Grubber, Good morning, Mr. Greenback. 

G. Good morning, Mr Grubber. I'm glad to see you. Walk in. 

Grubber. {Introduces ESTY and Sligh.) Dr. Esty, Mr. Green- 
back. Mr. Sligh, Mr. Greenback. 

G. {Shakes hands with the})i.) Very glad to see you, gentlemen. 
Take seats. {Places seats. EsTY ajid Sligh seated L C. Green- 
back and Grubber R C.) 

Grubber. These gentlemen are out from town takin' a little rest. 
They're stoppin' at our house. They thought your grounds looked so 
snug that they would like to come up and see them. I 'low they don't 
see no nicer in these parts. 

Esty. Very fine location, indeed. 

Sligh. And improved with great taste. 

G. {Pleased.) We don't make pretensions to taste, but we have 
taken some pains to fix up a little. {During this scene Sligh -watches 
Greenback closely , ivhile iaki^ig his part in the conversatio7i.) 

Grubber. Did it all himself too. Beatinest man in the world for 
plannin'. Greenback, you ought to spend a little money on these 
grounds. Why don't you bring water from that big spring over on the 
hillside, and make a fountain and a duck pond, and have some swans 
and notions like them 'ere city chaps does. I reckon they'd fix it up 
mighty slick. 

G. That would cost too much. Can't afford such things when 
rimes are so dreadful close. 



SETH GREENBACK. 67 

Esty. {Rises to look at pictures. Gazes at picture of the boy. 
Is observed doing- so by Si^iGH. Aside.) I Ihink he's in advance of 
the times in closeness. 

Sligk. And then it would look artificial after all. Nothing like 
rural simplicity, you know, as the poets say. 

Grubber. Waal, I reckon you can find enough rural simplicity in 
this country outside the yard. 

G. Quite true, Grubber. Excuse me, gentlemen, a moment. {Goes 
to door R. Calis MiLLiE.) I'll have you try a little wine, gentlemen. 
I think you will pronounce it good for homemade. {Millie appears 
at the door R.) Millie, tell Frank lo bring some wine and fruit at once. 

Millie. Yes, sir. 

G. Gentlemen, we have a splendid view of the river in the distance 
from the piazza. Have a look at it ? 

Esty. Certainly! (^x^z^«^'Esty««^Grubber Z,/<?//^ze//«^GREEN- 
BACK. Sligh remains.) 

Sligh. I'm interested in something else more than in the river 
just now. By George, it must be him. {Gazing at picture of boy.) 
That's the boy sure as guns! {Looks around the room.) He has 
money yet too. May be this discovery will pan out something for 
somebody. I'll draw the old chap out a little. He's sharp to change 
his name and put on the air of an eccentric old fish. {Re-enter Grkkn- 
BACK, Esty and Grubber.) 

Esty. Why didn't you go out and look at the view ? It's splendid. 

Sligh. I saw it as we came in. 

Esty. (7(? Greenback.) As you remarked, you make your own 
wine, Mr. Greenback. A good idea. You know then what it's made 
of; I suppose it's cheaper too ? 

G. Yes, much cheaper. I can't afford imported wine often. 

Sligh. Where did you learn the art of wine making, Mr. Green- 
back, if I may be so inquisitive ? 

G. I picked it up myself. 

Grubber. As he does everything else, 

Esty. {Aside.) That doesn't belong to him by right. 

Grubber. I'll tell you what. Greenback is a genius. 

Sligh. Beg pardon ! I thought you might have learned the business 
somewhere in the wine regions. Judging from appearances, though, I 
suppose you've always lived here. {Eyes hiui for answer^) 

G. No ; {Hesitating^ I came out here from the East. 

Sligh. From Pennsylvany, I should say. 

G. No, not exactly. 

Esty. You can tell from Mr. Greenback's speech that he is not 
from Pennsylvania. It sounds very much like our dialect where I was 
brought up, down in York State. 

G. {Nervously.) In what respect? 

Grubber. There's right smart difference in people's lingo, but dang 
me if I could ever tell purcisely where a man came from by his gab. 

Esty. I can generally guess pretty closely. (GREENBACK looks un- 
easy.) I should say that you came from Rockrib county, New York, 
Mr. Greenback. 



6S SETH GREENBACK. 

G. [Uneasily.) In fact I did come from that region. 

Sligh. {Aside.) The very same, I'd bet my head. Wonder if Esty 
suspects him. {Enter FRANK R, bearing a tray containing a pitcher 
of water ^ a bottle ofioine, and a plate of apples. Sets the tray oji the 
table. Enter Fat li.) 

Pat. Mr, Greenback, shall we saw up the balance of the wood now, 
or go down and repair the fince fornnist Jones's pasture? 

G. Repair the fence first, Patrick. (Frank, in wiping the dnst 
from the bottle., knocks off a goblet, which is broken.) What are you 
doing, you awkward numskull ? I'll teach you to break things that 
way. {Flies at Frank in a passion, and siezes hifu by the collar. Is 
about to strike him.) You'll ruin me yet with your awkwardness. 

Pat. [Steps forward indignantly. Drazcs back to strike GREEN- 
BACK. All Jump up excitedly. Grubder seizes Pat.) Hands off, 
Mr. Greenback, or I'll break your ould pate Shure an' I've seen that 
boy abused too long alridy. I've parsevered in kapia silence, but be 
jabers parsaverance has caised to be a vartue. This is more than 
human flesh and bones can stand, 

Esty. {Aside.) He's a brute out and out. 

G. Pat, do you dare to insult me here? 

Pat. Ay, if you dare touch that boy. 

Grubber. Gentlemen, don't get excited. Greenback, let the boy 
go ; it was an accident. 

Esty. He feels badly enough about it, too. He's a good, faithful 
boy, or I'm badly mistaken. 

Pat. Faith, an' we were both kind o' hasty like. I'll make the 
price of that all right out of my nixt month's wages. 

G. I guess I'm able ro lose a tumbler. Get to work at once, both 
of you, without another word. 

Pat. [Going with Frank.) Yis, sur. [Aside.) If there was no 
company prisint, he'd be able to take a dime for it. [Exeunt R.) 

G. Take seats, gentlemen. Don't let this little affair mar your 
pleasure. ( Opens bottle and pours out wine.^ Passes a goblet to Sligh 
and one to Grubber.) 

Esty. [Aside.) I'd as soon drink poison as touch it. 

G. [To Esty, 7<y/^(? is still standing.) Have a seat, Mr. Esty, and 
try some of this old grape juice. 

Sligh. It's capital, Esty. 

Grubber. Cleans out the cobwebs first rate. [Smacks his lips 
loudly) 

G. Come, man. 

Esty. [Aside.) Hang the fellow. I suppose I'll have to drink for 
manners' sake. [Coldly.) I'll try it. [Scats hijjtself L, and takes a 
few sips.) 

G. Try these apples, they are finely flavored. (7'c Esty.) 

Esty. No, thank you ; I think we must be going. Jack, what do 
you say ? 

* Cold tea will serve for "drinks." The players should always drink where 
the sentiment requires it. 



SETH, GREENBACK. 69 

Sligh. I say it's deuced unmannerly to snvitch a fellow away in this 
style, when there's good cheer. 

Grubber. What on arth's the use of this hurry? We don't visit 
here every day. 

Esly. {Aside.) Thank the Lord for that, 

Sligh. Well, if wc must, we must; that's all. {All rise.) 

G. {Passing apples.) Put one in your pocket to try on the way, 
(Sligh and Gruuber iake a?t appde apiece.) 

Esty. No, thank you. {Moves to door L, followed by others.) j 
do but one thing at a time, so I cannot eat and drive at the same time. 
Good day, Mr. Greenback. 

G. Good day, Mr. Esty. {Shake hands.) Good day, Mr. Sligh. 
Sorry to have you rush off so, gentlemen. 

Grubber. Well, as fur me, I s'pose you'll see me agin purty soon. 
I reckon I'll be in these parts a right smart while. 

Sligh. And so'll the rest of us too, if I'm not mistaken, {Aside.) 
I guess we'll like the air here. {Exeunt L.) 

G. I'm glad they're g(me. It's queer that Esty should mention 
York State. He may know too much, and that Sligh knows a good 
deal more than he tells, I'll bet. {Paces the floor in thought.) Can it 
be possible that some one from down East has discovered my secret 
and put these men on my track? Impossible ! No one from that part 
ever settled here, and that's why I chose this locality. Pshaw ! my 
fears are groundless. A dozen years are a cycle in this fast age. And 
then I've changed greatly. Ugh! {Shudders.) No need to remind 
myself of that. {Steps to a mirror /?, and surveys htjjiself; strokes 
his bushy whiskers.) Tut! tut! Seth Greenback, nobody would ever 
take you for the handsome George Walford of twenty years ago. In 
truth I'm another man. Twenty years did I say? Aha! Seth Green- 
back, you're twenty to-day; for just twenty years ago to-night George 
Walford clasped his young brother's hand in a hurrie:! farewell. He 
swore to aid and defend that imprudent brother, fleeing from the stern 
demands of offended justice. The oath passed into the black nothing- 
ness of the night, and with it the fair name of George Walford. In a 
few short months Seth Greenback robbed the one whom he swore to 
protect. Even poor Will would not know me now. I wonder where 
he is ? In a drunkard's grave long before this, I suppose. Poor fel- 
low ! The papers said he left for California, with his boy, after his 
wife's death. Well, no matter. It's all over now. {Exit L.) 

Enter Frank R. 
Fra7ik. {Picking up fragments of broken goblet.) What humili- 
ation ! I wouldn't minded a whipping, for I suppose I deserved it for 
my awkwardness. But I won't stand this degradation before strangers 
any more. Mr. Greenback thinks it's smart, but I think it's mean. 
I'll tell him so, too, the very next time he does it. He was good to me 
when I was an outcast, but I've stuck to him long enough. I've paid 
him well for that. I'll do right by him still, if he'll let me, but I wont 
be knocked around any longer. 

Ente"^ Millie R. 



70 SETH GREENBACK. 

Millie. ( Wiping her eyes ; has been weeping.) It's too bad, Frank' 
Oh ! 1 could tear him to pieces. {Covers her face with her hands.) 

Frank. Don't mind it, Millie. 

Millie. You've never had nothin' but knocks 

Frank. Yes, I have. Father and mother loved me. I don't re- 
member anything about them only that father called me his darling, 
and said he loved me better than anything else in this world. Then 
the men stole me away and took me from him forever. 

Millie. Your father and mother must 'a been good people. 

Frank. {Picking up plate of fruit and tray.) They were, indeed. 
Oh ! what ivould they do when I was gone ? 

Millie. I wish you could live with them again, Frank. 

Frank. They're dead long ago, I know, Millie; I can't bear to 
talk about it. {Picks up bottle. Starts toward R.) 

Millie. Let me take the plate, Frank. You can't carry all them 
things. 

Frank. Yes, I can. This is my work, you know. 

Millie. I don't care a snap whose work it is. I'm going to carry 
that plate. {Takes plate of apples. Exeunt R.) 



^OT IIX. 

Scene, room in a hotel, plainly furnished ; cheap chromos on the 
■tvalls, a few chairs and spittoons., trvo or three small tables with 
dingy covers and call bells. Seated around a table C, Sligh {rear oj 
table), EsTY R, and Lark L. 



Sligh. Lark, I tell you what, we've found the queerest old coon up 
here that ever you saw. You know that old brick house where there's 
such a large orchard? 

Lark. On the right hand, about two miles out? 

Sligh. Yes. Doctor and I were up there the other day. Old 
Grubber took us up and introduced us. 

Lark. Is he as queer a case as Grubber ? 

Sligh. Ten times queerer, but not half as much of a gentleman. 
But I guess he's been a gentleman once. 

Esty. It's a long time ago, I think. 

Sligh. You're too crusty about trifles, Esty. 

Esty. Do you call that a trifle, to act as he did the other day towards 
that poor boy ? 

Sligh. Ha! ha! Lark, deuced if Doctor didn't get into high dud- 
geon because Old Greenback — that's the old codger's name, by the 
way — was about to cuff the ears of a gawky butter-weed who broke a 
goblet as he was bringing in the wine. Blood and pistols ! if that 
wan't a pretty little bit of sentiment on the Doctor's part. 



SETH GREENBACK. 7i 

Lark. Yes ; almost as sentimental as your oaths. Blood and fis- 
tols! Did you get that at an old ladies' tea party? Have you 
abandoned the use of all those words that polite printers spell mostly 
with dashes ? 

Siigh. Not entirely, but I must defer a little to the Doctor's notions 
of propriety. He's got very sentimental of late. 

Esty. If you call that sentiment, then I am sentimental. I tell you 
the fellow's a brute to act so. If he hadn't been in his own house I'd 
knocked him down, I believe. 

Shgh. Let's look at both sides of that question. Esty, were you 
doing exactly the polite thing when you refused his hospitality so rudely, 
after his kindness to us? 

Esty. Hospitality be hanged ! I can't be polite to a man I don't 
respect, and I don't want his hospitality. 

Sligh. Guests of our stripe oughtn't to be too particular. 

Esty. {Angrily^ Guests of our stripe ! Jack, I know I'm not fit 
for the society of decent people, but you are the last one to taunt me 
with my crimes. 

Sligh. I don't say it to taunt yotc, Esty. I take my share; but you 
may have forgotten that two men once left their native village rather 
unceremoniously, because they happened to put another man's name to 
a brief piece of writing. 

Esty. {Bitterly^ Well, and if they did, who suggested the miser- 
able work, and who would have taken the lion's share if the schen>e 
had succeeded? 

Sligh. {Angrily.) You needn't have followed my suggestions if 
you didn't choose. You were of age. 

Esty. In years, but not in the ways of wicked men. 

Lark. Here boys, this has gone far enough. Let's have something 
to take. {Rings bell.) There's no use calling up bygones. Why 
don't you talk business. Jack ? 

Sligh. Hush ! We're not far from other ears. 

Enter MOLLIE R. 

Mollie. An' what will yez have ? 
Lark. Cigars and brandy. 
Mollie. Yis, sur, {Exit R.) 

Sligh. Lark, don't talk so deuced loud. Remember we're in a 
hotel. 

Lark. Third rate tavern, I'd call it. 

Enter Mollie /?, bearing tray and glasses, etc. 

Sligh. Mollie, (Mollie going R.) close the door. Tnere's a 
draught here. 

Mollie. On the brandy bottle did you mane, sur? 

Sligh. No; {Laughing.) from the doors 

Mollie. Arrah thin, an' I'll close them both. {Closes both. Going 
R. Aside.) The bye's are up to somethin', {Exit R.) 
{They pour out a glass of brandy each., ivhich they gulp down 

excepting EsTY, vjho merely tastes his, unnoticed by the others.) 



72 SETH GREENBACK. 

Lrnrk. That goes right to the spot. Now for business at once^ 
before we're interrupted. Jack, state your case. 

Sligh. Briefly it is this, that we crack Old Greenback's crib, and 
see what's to be had. 

Lark. Is it worth the trouble ? 

Sligh. Splendid opening. No trouble to get into that old house, 
and they say he always has lots of money around him, to say nothing of 
his solid silverware. 

Lark. Agreed ! When shall we try it ? 

Slior/i. Will you join us, Esty ? 

Esiy. Jack, I'm surprised at this proposition, but on second thought 
I've no right to be surprised. I suppose you think me bad enough for 
anything. But, thank God, I've never stolen yet. 

Shgk. Stealing! Who talked of stealing? This is merely a 
question of nocturnal finance. 

Esty. There's no use joking. I never got a penny that didn't belong 
to me, and I never will. 

SUgh. Came pretty near it though, once. 

Esty. I know it. But chance prevented it, and saved me. 

Sligh. {Sneeringly.) Humph ! If you consider yourself saved 
there's no use of argument. 

Esty. None. I'm not the man I used to be. And I'm sorry to 
learn that you have not mended your ways in all these years. 

Sligh. No i^-eachin' now, if you please. All I want to know is 
whether you'll blow on us. 

Esty. Perhaps I shall. If it was anybody but Old Greenback I 
would very quick. I think it would do him good to lose part of his 
money. 

Lark. So you would turn traitor if you chose, Esty? 

Esty. [JiuHps up m a violent passion.) Dare you call me traitor? 
{Siezes bottle, and is about to strike Lark, ^vho draws a pistoL) 

Lark. {yu?nj>s up and cocks his pistol.) I'm ready if that is your 
game. 

Sligh. {Rushes round table front of Lark ; knocks pistol aside.) 
What the deuce do you mean by such nonsense ? Don't rajse a row 
here, or the game's up. 

Esty. No man shall call me traitor. I did not seek your confidence, 
and would scorn to betray a friend. 

Sligh. That's all right, old boy. Don't blow if you can help it. 
But I think we'll not give him time to blow. Let's try the thing to- 
night. That will leave him no time to reflect, and ease his conscience 
too. What do you say, Lark ? 

Lark. All right. I'm ready any minute. 

Sligh. Then we've no time to lose. We must get our gimcracks in 
order before midnight. {Going /..) Good evening, Esty Sorry you 
can't join us, but business is business. (Aside.) " Wonder if he sus- 
pects who Old Greenback is? No, that can't be. {Exeunt R.) 

Esty. Here's a pretty go. Let a man once s'ep aside from the 
■p::th of strict rectitude and he is open to the base proposals of every 



SETH GREENBACK. 73 

villain. Hanged if I don't see about this business a little further 
^Exit L.) 

Enter Moi.LlE R. 

Alollie. Bloody murder! Can I iver again trust me sivin sinses ? 
I'm overpowered intirely ! My prisence of mind is clane gone. {Enter 
Pat Z, unobserved.) Och, an' I think I'll be obliged to faint for a few 
minutes to rekiver mesilf. {Aloves towards a chair to sit dotu7t. Pat 
clasps her in his arms.) 

Mollie. {Screams. ) Mercy on me, Pat, an' is it you? How you scart me! 

Pat. {With his arin round her waist.) Shure, Mollie, darlint, an* 
what ails ye? Have ye the diptheria ? Musha, an' like as not ye's got 
the new disase that's come around so suddint. The doctor says that 
Misther Jones's wife has it awful bad. It's a — a — begorrah, what is it? 
— a cycloid attack, if ye knows what that manes. An' I'm no Latin 
scholar meself, but accoidin' to the best of me larnin' it must be a 
disase of the heart. 

Molhe. Oh ! it's dreadful to think of, Pat. 

Pat. Mollie, dear, I'm slightly afficted in the same way meself. 
Let me perscribe ye a dose, to betaken ivery avenin' till a cure is 
afficted. {Draws her to him and kisses her.) 

Mollie. {Gives htm a 7'inging slap.) What do ye mane, ye blunder- 
buss. Och, an' ye'll kape your medicine a long time for me, I'll warrant. 

Pat. An' it's for you I'm kapin' it. ( Tttrns tip the brandy bottle 
and takes a good swig ) 

Mollie. Och ! ye greeny, an' when I want a stickin' plaster on my 
mouth I'll be after tellin' you. But I've somethin dridful to tell ye, Pat. 

Pat. . Be jabers, an' I guessed as much. 

Mollie. Ye knows that Dr. Esty and Jack Sligh ? 

Pat. Yis. 

Mollie. Well, they came here and ordered a drop, an' had another 
bad lookin' chap with them. Whin I wint out they tould me to close 
the dures. 

Pat. An' ye did as they tould ye ? 

Mollie. Yis, They looked so quare like that I jist put me ear to 
that bit of a crack by the dure, an' heerd ivery blissid worred they said. 

Pat. An' wot did they say ? 

Mollie. They v/ere ploltin' murther an' robbery an' traison. 

Pat. Begorrah, an' where is the traison and murther to take place? 

Mollie. At yer master's, 

Pat. The divil you say. An' whin does the performance begin ? 

Mollie This very night at midnight. The Docthor, good luck to 
him, said he'd take no part in such avil works. 

Pat. Hoorah! Thin I'm good for the other two meself. I'll help 
meself to another drop to stiddy me narves. ( Takes a pull at the bot- 
tle.) Mollie, I'm off, an' you'll plase excuse my abrupt haste. {Going R.) 

Mollie. Don't get your head broken, Pat. 

Pat. Niver a bit. {Exit L) 

Mollie. {Taking tray with goblets, etc., R^ He's a brave bye, I 
hope thim spalpeens wont get the better of him. {Exit R.) 

CURTAIN. 



74 ' SETH GREENBACK. 



-A.OT IV. 

Scene, same as in Acts I. and II. Lights dim on stage. Enter 
Pat %vith Jowling piece., folloived by Frank zvitk a revolver. 

Pat. Faith an' its nearly midnight. The dirty blaggards may come 
ony minit. Begorrah, they'll not be expectin' to find us all ready for 
entertainin' company. It was a bit of a surprise pariy they were plannin', 
the rascals. Ha! ha ! shure and it will be a complatc surprise. {Bra7id- 
ishes his gun. Speaks to it) Be jabers, ye're a broth of a bye. Ye 
can rache farther than ony shillalah. 

Frank Pat, keep still, or th^'ll hear us and escape. 

Pat. Escape ! I'd like to see them rogues run faster than buck 
shot. Ha! ha! 

Frank. Pat, this is serious business. Don't laugh. I fear some- 
thing terrible is going to happen. 

Pat. An' that's just my own opinion. I'm no prophet or some- 
thing will happen to one of them chaps that will be mighty serious like 
for him. 

Frank. What would we done if Mollie hadn't oveiheard them? 

Pat. Begorrah, they'd hilped themselves to the ould man's money 
mighty aisy. 

Frank. It would nearly kill him to lose a large sum of money. I 
believe he'd almost go mad. 

Pat. Mad ! Arrah, thin, an' ye're right. He'd be madder than a 
disappinted office seeker. His timper would kill him intirely. He'd 
be a ravin' corpse in tin minutes. 

Frank. Hark ! They are trying the hall window. 

Pat. Git behind that chair, an' I'll shilter behind this table. We'll 
let them get well into the job first. (Frank gets behind arm chair L,, 
Pat behind table L C, Noise of prying ope?i shutters outside I ) 
Aisy now, me bye. 

Enter burglars Sligh and Lark L. 

Sligh. {In a low tone.) Good, so far. No trouble to get into this 
old shell, 

Lark. Where does he keep his money ? 

Sligh. In a bureau in the sitting room. He sleeps in the next 
room back of that. The door's open. Come on. Be cautious. {Start 
to7vard R.) 

Pat. {Rises.) Be jabers, I'll give ye a caution. Levels the gun 
and fires. Gun snafs the cap but does not go off."^ 
Sligh seizes the gun and they struggle, Frank rises and levels his 

revolver at Lark. Fires and misses hijn. Lark draivs and shoots 

Frank, who falls to^vard C with a yell of pain. Lark tries to 

draw on Pat, but the rapid evolutions of the two make it ifupossible. 

Lark seizes the gun 7vith his left hand, and together they lurench ii 

* In llic burglarv sceni; llie acLion should Ot- very rapid. 



SETH GREENBACK. 75 

from Pat, who is hurled back against the wall R by Sligh. Enter 

EsTY Z. He rushes to C. 

Sligh. [Speaks very rapidly R C in rear.) Lark, we're betrayed. 
They've raised the family. We can thank you for that, Esty. So 
you've found out who Old Greenback is at last? Fool ! I should 
think you would like to get back some of the money he stole from you. 
Curse the luck. 

Lark. ( Who is at R C in front, to Esty.) I've a notion to shoot 
you. ^Levels his pistol. FAT snatches up the pistol dropped by FRANK 
and levels at Lark. Sligh strikes down his arm rvith the fowling 
piece. Enter GREENBACK R crying, '■^ Seize them.^'' Sligh dashes towards 
L crying to Lark '■''Escape for your life.'''' Lark rushes to door L 
followed by Sligh, firing at Esty as he passes. Pat fires at them 
and breaks Sligh's leg.) 

Sligh. {Struggling to rise.) Help, Doctor, my leg's broken. 

Esty. [Examining Frank'' s wound.) This poor boy needs help first. 

G. [Excitedly.) What does this mean ? 

Fat. It manes that your robbed, but divil the thing did they get. 

Esty. [Aside. Lookijtg at G.) Good heavens! It is George. 
[Picks up Frank and places him in an arm chair C. Opens his 
clothes. Examines wound. Takes a small case of instruments from 
his pocket and lays thou on the table. Probes the wound lightly. 
Shakes his head, '■'■If s no use.*^) 

G. [Looks fro?n one to another., bewildered.^ Robbed, did you 
say? Oh, I'm ruined, ruined. 

Esty, [Aside.) Ruined if he knew it. 
Etiter Mrs. G. i?. 

Mrs. G. Oh, Frank is killed. {Bends over him. Speaks in an 
undertone to kijn.) 

Pat. Howly saints, it is this poor bye that's ruined. [Holding 
Frank's ^a«rf. All gather romid Ykahk.) Do ye feel much pain ? 
Are ye much hurt ? 

Frank. [In a weak voice.) Very badly, I'm afraid, Pat. 

Millie rushes in R. 

Millie. What's the matter? Somebody's hurt. [Screams.) Oh 
mercy, it's Frank. [Kneels by his chair R. Grasps his hands.) Are 
you hurt much, Frank ? Oh, you're not. I know you are not. 

Frank. Millie, I'm badly hurt. 

Millie. Don't say that, Frank, You must get well. You will, 
won't you ? 

G. [Examines the wound.) Don't be alarmed, Millie. He'll be 
all right in a few days. The wound is not deep, I think. There is 
little blood. The bullet must have glanced from a rib. I'm glad they 
didn't get the money. We were lucky, I think. 

Mrs. G. For shame, Seth. Don't mention money at such a time as 
this. 

Fat. What's the use of money when this poor bye's at death's dure? 

Esty. (Turns away. Aside.) How can I break the awful truth 
to them. 



76 SETH GREENBACK. 

G. Esty, how did you happen to come here just in nick of time? 

Esty. I heard of the villain's plan, and came with officers, who are 
now at the door. I came at once, and found Pat and Frank engaged 
in a death struggle. 

Pat. Officers! Then may be they've caught that villain. If Mol- 
lie hadn't tould me what she heard we wouldn't been here, an' Frank, 
poor bye, wouldn't bin mortally hurted. 

G. Thank you, Mr. Esty, for your services, and you too, Pat and 
Frank. 

Esty. You have nothing to thank us for. 

Officer. {Enters Jiurriedly L.) We've got the villain. He's safe 
enough. (6"'eeA' Frank.) What have we here? * 

Esty. Murder ! 

Officer. Heavens what a night's work ! 

Mrs. G. Mercy on us, Mr. Esty, you are as pale as a sheet. What 
can we be thinking of that we haven't sent for a doctor? We're 
all out of our wits. Pat, go for him at once. 

Esty. It is useless. He cannot live. I am a surgeon. His case 
is peculiar. I wish to give a ie'w words of explanation to Mr. and 
Mrs. George Walford. 

G. [Starting.) Walford ! Lost ! . Who are you man ? 

Esty. Do not be surprised. You will learn all soon enough. {To 
Millie, wko is still kneeling by Frank's chair.) Girl, arise. {Lifts 
her. In great agitation^ Others have closer claims on this poor suf- 
ferer. {Smoothes Frank's brow.) 

Mrs. G. Others have claims ! What do you mean ? 

Esty. Seth, I am your brother Will. 

G. {Starting violently.) What! Heavens! I thought you dead. 

Mrs. G. This anxiety is terrible! What mystery is this? You 
know something of Frank's parentage. Can it be that he is our son ? 
Speak and give relief to a mother's aching heart. 

Esty. He is your long lost Willie. 

Mrs. G. {Kneels by Frank R of chair, and kisses hijn again and 
again.) Oh my poor boy, to find you dying is the last agony in a long 
life of anguish. And such a meeting after years of intercourse. {Covers 
her face in her hands.) 

G. Wife, this man is an impostor. We have every reason to believe 
that our son died years ago. Sir, substantiate your story. 

Esty. {Passes to G., L C.) George, I could easily satisfy you that 
I am your brother, did circumstances require proof. Willie was not 
drowned, as you supposed. In revenge of my wrongs I hired a villain 
to abduct him from his home. To elude justice we were obliged to 
abandon him to strangers. I have suffered more than death because of 
it. The man whom I made my servile tool, to-night tried to rob your 
house. He is here to bear witness. 

Sligh. It is true every word of it. 

Esty. Do you still doubt ? 

* Should it be inconvenient to introduce the officer, for want of actors, Pat 
may step to the door L, and return, reporting Lark's capture. He may also 
prevent Sligh's escape, making an appropriate remark. 



SETH GREENBACK. 77 

G. No. It is too horrible to admit a doubt. What an awful judg- 
ment. To think of my treatment of my own poor boy. ( Takes Frank's 
hand, and falls on his knees at L of his chair. Greenback looks in- 
tently at Frank.) It can't be true. {A pause.) 'Tis a hideous dream. 
What evidence have you that this boy is the Willie you abandoned ? 

Esty. When we had him with us he fell one day and cut a gash 
back ot his left ear. It healed and left a scar, sloping obliquely down- 
ward and backward. 

Frank. Father, the scar is there. You will find it under my hair. 

G. {Finds scar.) Doubt was anguish, but certainty is the torment 
of furies. 

Mrs. G. Is there no ray of hope? All may yet be well. 

Pat. Docthur, can't ye help the bye someway ? 

Esty. Frank, are you ready to go ? 

Frank. Yes. If I could but stay with father and mother a little 
longer I would be so happy. 

G. Is there no hope ? 

Esty. None I 

Sligh. {Aside.) Murder ! and a rope for me. Oh for two sound 
legs ! I'll try it. {Tries to crawl out L.) 

Officer. {Stopping Sligh.) Hold on, my boy. We need you. 

G. And you, my brother, have done this. I thought myself a 
monster. What is the man who will steal an innocent babe ? Demon ! 

Esty. Brother, dare I ask forgiveness of any but Him who forgives 
the vilest? Is there any reconciliation ? {Extends his hand. GREEN- 
BACK revises it.) 

Mrs. G. Remember he had wrongs. Let the grave cover all thought 
of revenge. 

Frank. {Speaking slowly and with effort.) For my sake, father, 
forgive him. He meant me no harm. (Greenback takes Esty's 
hand in silence. ) 

Esty. He's going fast. 

G. Willie darling, will you forgive me ? 

Frank. You were good to me, father, when nobody else was, and 
mother has been so kind. Kiss me, papa and mamma. ( They kiss 
him.) Where's Millie? 

Millie. Here I am, Frank. {She kisses him.) 

G. The curse of Mammon is on us. Oh gold ! when will thy power 
to blight and destroy be ended ? My treasures are adders to sting me. 
My punishment is just. {Bends over Frank in silence. All silent for 
a few moments. Rises and looks iji Ykanvl^s face.) Dead! (Millie 
drops on her knees and leans her face on Frank's body) 

Arrangement of characters : a semicircle around Frank's body. 

MILLIE. 
GREENBACK. Mrs. G. 

ESTY. PAT R. 

L OFFICERS, (if present.) 

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CONTENTS OF* NO. 1. 



Keep the Mill _A-going (Fine Poem). 

Faces in the Fire (Fine Poem). 

In School Days (Fine Poem). 

The Two Roads (Fine Prose). 

Extreme Unction. 

Baron Grimalkin's Death (Parody). 

Words and Their Uses (Humorous Poem). 

Fritz's Troubles. 

Two Christmas Eves (Fine Poem). 

Interview Between School Directors and 

Janitor 
To the Memory of the late Brigham Young. 
How Liab and I Parted. 
Old Grimes' Hen (Funny). 
The Average Modern Traveler. 
At My Mother's Grave (Pathos). 
The Newsboy's Debt (Pathetic Poem). 
Mrs. Potts' Dissipated Husband (Comic). 
I See the Point. 

The Professor in Shafts (Humorous). 
Mr. Sprechelheimer's Mistake (Dialect). 
God's Time. 

The Little Folks' (Thanksgiving Poem). 
The Old Schoolmaster. 
The Revolutionary Rising. 
Pat's Letter (Comic). 
How to Go to Sleep (Comic), 
Nothing (Poem). 
De Pen and De Swoard (Funny). 
A Greyport Legend — 1797, 
The Life Boat is a Gallant Bark* 
Birthday Gifts. 
The Superfluous Man. 
Sockery Setting a Hen (Comic). 
The Water that Has Passed. 
Medley — Mary's Little Lamb 
The Launch of the Ship. 
Aunt Kindly (Fine Pathos). 
Evening at the Farm (Poem) 
Battle of Beal An' Duine. 
Pasfing Away. 
Mark Twain and the Interviewer (Very 

Funny). 



Daybreak. 

True Life. 

Modern Loyalty (Satiric Poem, Good), 

Unfinished Still. 

Allow for the Crawl (Humorous Poem), 

The Silent Tower of Bottreaux. 

Gentility. 

The Drunkard (Poem). 

The Poetical Patch Quilt. 

What Is Life ? 

Art Thou Living Yet ? (Poem), 

New Year's Chime. 

Song of the Chimney (Comic). 

A Domestic Tempest. 

Common Sense. 

How Mr. Coffin Spelled it (Funny). 

The Old Man in the Palace Gtr. 

Ego and Echo (Comic Poem). 

A Night Picture. 

A Penitent. 

Rum's Ruin (Fine Temperance Poem'), 

The Babies (Humorous). 

What Is It to Me ? 

Our First Commander (Patriotic). 

Horseradish (Comic). 

The Doom of Claudius and Cynthia (Fliw 

Description.) 
Weaving The Web (Fine Poem). 
Broken Home (Pathetic). 
Dream of Eugene Aram (Poem of Grea! 

Beauty). 
An Expensive Chicken (Humorous). 
Faithful Little Wife. 
Money Musk (Humorous Poem). 
Resisting a Mother's Love (Fine Patho?^, 
Spring (Poem). 

The Deacon's Call (Fine Poem), 
The Ghost (Humorous Poem). 
The Bridge. 
Keenan's Charge. 
The Father of His Country (A Play). 



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Albert Drecker (Pathetic). 

Better in the Morning (Pathetic). 

Bkie Slty Somewhere. 

Wounded (Battle Poem). 

Papa's Letter (Pathetic). 

Grandfather's Reverie (Pathetic). 

The Old Village Choir. 

At the Party. 

Romance at Home (Humorous). 

The Legend of the Organ Builder. 

I Vash So Glad I Vash Here (Very Hum- 
orous). 

Der Dog and der Lobster (Humorous). 

What Was His Creed ? 

Dedication of Gettysburg Cemetery. 

Time Turns the Table (Excellent). 

The ISLin Who Had"'t any Objection 
(Humorous). 

The Soldier's Mother (Sentimental). 

" De Pervisions, Josiar " (Humorous). 

A Response to Beautiful Snow (Sentimental). 

The Defense of Lucknow (Heroic). 

A Model Discourse (Humorous). 

My Darling's Shoes. 

The Volunteer Soldiers of the Union. 

Life (Compilation). 

The Old-F'ashioned Mother. 

De 'Sperience ob de Reb'rend Quacko 
Strong (Humorous). 

A Heart to Let. 

Jimmy Butler and the Owl (Humorous), 

Presentiments (.Pathetic). 

Eloquence cr Oratory. 

Raising the Flag at Sumter. 

Parrhasius and the Captive. 

Portent. 

He Wasn't Ready (Humorous). 

The Old Clock in the Corner. 

An Illustration (Fine Description). 

The Seven Stages. 

The Bells of Shandon. 



Circumlocution on the House that Jack 

Built (Fine). 
The Brakeman goes to Church, (Humorous 
Address to Class of '77, Knox College. 
Bay Billy, (Battle Incident). 
The Flood and the Ark (Humorous Darky 

Sermon). 
The Steamboat Race. 
Battle of Gettysburg. 
A Connubial Eclogue (Humorous). 
The Chambered Nautilus. 
Ascent of Fu-si Yama. 
The Musician's Tale (Splendid Sea Tale). 
Vera Victoria. 
Ruining the Minister's Parrot (Very 

Funny). 
The Irish Philosopher (Humorous). 

TEMPERANCE PIECES. 

Confession of a Drunkard. 

The Fatal Glass. 

The Gambler's Wife. 

Dream of the Reveler. 

The Lost Steamer. 

One Glass More. 

I'll- Take what Father Takes. 

A Glass of Cold Water. 

The Glass Railroad. 

Signing the Pledge. 

The War with Alcohol. 

A Tragedy. 

Only a Glass of Cider. 

Traffic in Ardent Spirits. 

Why ? 

Pat's Bondsman. 

The Modern Cain. 

We do not Stop to Think. 

The Fate of a Fast Young Man. 

Lemonade. 

Hurrah for the Foorth av July, 

Charybdis. 



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CONTENTS OFi NO. 3. 



Flash — The Fireman's Story. 

A Smdoth Path. 

The Three Friends (Humorous). 

Mosses— Earth's Humblest Children. 

The Nineteenth Century Teacher (Hu- 
morous). 

The Blind Boy and his Candle (a Fable). 

A Thunder Storm (Fine Description). 

He Wouldn't Wash (Humorous). 

The Bells. 

The Blacksmith of Bottle Dell. 

What Farmer Green Said. 

Napoleon at Rest. 

Benedict Arnold's Death-bed. 

Soliloquy (Humorous). 

One Cent and Costs (Humorous). 

Poet and Painter. 

Maud Muller's Moving (Humorous). 

What is Ambition? (Fine Description), 

Kentucky Philosophy (Very Funny). . 

The Problem of Life (Fine). 

Praise of Little Women (Excellent). 

Address to Class of ^jj National School of 
Oratory. 

Rizpah (Fine Pathos). 

Last Charge of Ney. 

Decoration Day Speech (Fine Oration). 

Soldiers' Re-union. 

Music Hath Charms (Humorous). 

Am Life Wuf de Libin ? (Comic). 

The Diamond Wedding, 

The Palace (Descriptive). 

Driving a Cow (Humorous). 

A Condensed Novel. 

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God Wills It So. A Plea and Answer 

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Middlerib's Experiment or Movement Curt 

(Humorous). 
Medley. 

Vat You Please (Humorous). 
Opportunity for Effort. 
Battle of Cannae (Fine Description). 
Pierre La Forge's Dream. 
Quousque Tandem O! Catalina (Humorous) 
Deacon Kent in Politics (First Rate). 
Charge of the Lightning Judge. 
The Wanderer's Bell. 
A Fish Story. 

An American Sam Weller (Humorous). 
Little Graves (Pathetic). 
Magdalen. 

The First Settler's Story (Pathetic). 
King Christmas. 

Christmas Dialogue (for Two Girls). 
Christmas Thoughts. 
St. Nicholas' Dashing Bride. 
Two Views of Christmas (Good Dialogue). 
Hang Up the Baby's Stocking. 
Marriage of Santa Claus (Humorous). 
Christmas Blessing. 
A Christmas Dream (Fine Poem). 
Through the Loopholes. 
Day Before Christmas (a Play). 
The Nativity. 
Ring Out, Wild Bells. 
Mary, the Mother of Jesus. 
Saint Nick. 

The First Christmas (from Ben Hur). 
Saint Christopher (Poem). 

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FARCES AND SKETCHES. 

M. p. 

In the Wrong House, 20 min. ..42 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min. .. 3 3 

Is the Editor in? 20 min 4 2 

John Smith, 30 min 5 3 

Just My Luck, 20 min 4 3 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 

Kiss in the Dark, 30 min 2 3 

Larkins' Love Letters, 50 min. 3 2 

Limerick Boy, 30 min 5 2 

Love and Rain, sketch, 20 m.. 1 1 

Lucky Sixpence, 30 min 4 2 

Lucy's Old Man, sketch, 15 m. 2 3 

Mike Donovan, 15 min 1 3 

Misses Beers, 25 min 3 3 

Mistake in Identity, sketch, 15 

min 2 

Modelof aWife, 25 min 3 2 

Movement Cure, 15 min 5 

Mrs. Gamp's Tea, sketch, 15 m. 2 

My Jeremiah, 20 min 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 45 min.... 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min... 3 3 

My Turn Next, 50 min 4 3 

Narrow Escape, sketch, 15 m.. 2 

Not at Home, 15 min '... 2 

On Guard, 25 min 4 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 35 min. 6 3 

Pets of Society, 30 min 7 

Played and Lost, sketch, 15 m. 3 2 

Pull Back, 20 min 6 

Quiet Family, 45 min 4 4 

Realm of Time, musical al- 
legory, 30 min 8 15 

Regular Fix, 50 min 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Row iv Kitchen and Politician's 

Breakfast, 2 monologues... 1 1 

Silent Woman, 25 min 2 1 

Slasher and Crasher, 1 h. 15 m. 5 2 

Squeers' School, sketch, 18 m.. 4 2 

Taming a Tiger, 20 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 35 min 3 2 

Too Much of a Good Thing, 50 

min 3 6 

Turn Him Out, 50 min 3 3 

Twenty Minutes Under Um- 
brella, sketch, 20 min 1 1 

Two Bonnycastles,45 min. ... 3 3 

Two Gay Deceivers, 25 min .... 3 
Two Gents in a Fix, 20 min. ..20 

Two Ghosts in White, 25 min. 8 

Two Puddifoots, 40 min 3 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min . 3 2 

Very Pleasant Evening, 30 m.. 3 

Wanted a Correspondent, 1 hr. 4 4 

Which Will He Marry? 30m.. 2 8 
White Caps (The), musical, 30 

min 8 

Who Told The Lie? 30 min... 5 3 
Wide Enough for Two, 50 min. 5 2 
Women of Lowenburg, histori- 
cal sketch, 5 scenes, 50 m.. 10 10, 
Woman Hater (The), 30 min.. 2 1 



M. F. 

Wonderful Letter, 25 min 4 1 

Wooing Under Diflaculties, 35 

min 4 3 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 

ETHIOPIAN FARCES. 

Academy of Stars, 15 min 5 1 

All Expenses: Or, Nobody's 

Son, 10 min 2 

Baby Coach Parade, 20 min.. 4 2 
Back from Californy ; Or, Old 

Clothes, 12 min 3 

Deaf, In a Horn, 12 min 2 

Hamlet the Dainty, 15 min .... 6 1 

Handy Andy, 12 min 2 

Haunted House, 8 min 2 

Joke on Squinim (The). 25 m.. 4 2 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Mischievous Nigger (The), 20 

min 4 2 

No Cure, No Pay, 10 min 3 1 

Othello and Desdemona, 12 m. 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 

min 6 

Quarrelsome Servants, 8 min.. 3 

Rooms to Let, 15 min 2 1 

Sham Doctor (The), 15 min. ..42 

Sports on a Lark, 8 min 3 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min. .. 2 1 

Stocks Up, Stocks Down ,8m.. 2 

Tricks, lOmin 5 2 

Two Pompeys (The), 8 min 4 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 2 

Unhappy Pair (An), 10 min. .. 3 

VlHikens and His Dinah, 20 m. 4 1 

Wax Works at Play, 30 min. .. 3 1 

William Tell, 15 min 4 

NEW PLAYS. 

M. F. 

CharlesO'Malley's Aunt (25c.) 5 8 

Cobbler (The) 1 

Convention of Papas 7 

Dude in a Cyclone 4 2 

First-Class Hotel 4 

Ii'on Hand (25c.) 5 4 

It's All in the Pay Streak (25c.) 4 3 

Indiana Man (25c.) 6 4 

Madame P's Beau tj' Parlors... 6 

New Woman 3 6 

Not a Man in the House 5 

Only Cold Tea 3 3 

PatsyO'Wang 4 3 

Rejected 5 3 

Topp's Twins (25c.) 6 4 

Treasure from Egypt 4 1 

Wanted: A Hero 1 1 

The publisher believes that he can 
say truthfully that Denison's list of 
plays is on the whole the best se- 
lected and most successful in the 
market. New Flays will be added 
from time to time. 



T. S. DENISQN, Publisher, I63 Randolph St., Chicago. 



*-"^VJMtSS 




' " '" ' • ' 016 112 405 9 

CHOICE PLAYS AND AMUSEMENT BOOKS. 



Plays by T. S. DENISON. 

That the plays written by T. S. Deni- 
son are, all things considered, the best 
for amateurs, is attested by their very 
large and increasing sale. 

New plays in this type. 

COMEDIES. 

ACTS. TIME. M. F. 

Odds With the Enemy, 5, 2 hrs. 7 — 4 
Seth Greenback, - 4, 1 h. 15 m. 7 — 3 
The School Ma'am, - 4, i h. 45 m. 6 — 5 
Only Daughter, - 3, i h. 15 m. 5 — 2 
Louva, the Pauper, - 5, 2 hrs. 9 — 4 
Under the Laurels, - 5, 2 hrs. 5 — 4 
Danger Signal. ^ - 2, ih.45m. 7 — 4 
Our Country, Histori- 
cal Play, - - - 3,ih. 10 — 5 

Topp's Twins, - 4, 2 hrs. 6—4 
It's all in Pay Streak, 3, i h. 40m. 4 — 3 
Tile New Woman, - 3, i h. 3—6 



FARCES. 

ACTS. TIME. M.F. 

Initiating a Granger, - 25 m. 8 — 

Wanted, a Correspondent, 2, 45 m. 4 — 4 

A Family St-rike, - - 20 m. 3 — 3 

Two Ghosts in White, - 20 m. — 8 

The Assessor, - - » 10 m. 3 — 2 

Borrowing Trouble, - 20 m. 3 — 5 

Country Justice, - - 20 m. 8 — 

The Pull-Back, - - 20 m. —6 

Hans von Smash, - - 2, 30 m. 4— 3 

Irish Linen Peddler, - 2, 40 m. 3— 3 

Kansas Immigrants, - 20 m. 5 — i 

Too Much of Good Thing, 45 m. 3 — 6 

Is the Editor In? - - 20 m. 4 — 2 

Pets of Society, - - 20 m. — 7 

Wide Enough for Two, • 45 m. 5 — 2 

Patsy O'Wang, - - 35 m. 4 — 3 

Rejected, - - - - 40 m. 5— 3 

A First=CIass Hotel, - 20m. 4— 
Mad. Princeton's Temple 

of Beauty, - - - 20 m. — 6 

Dude in Cyclone, - 20 m. 5 — 3 

The Cobbler, - - - 10 m. i — 



TEMPERANCE. 



The Sparkling Cup, 
Hard Cider, 

Only Cold Tea, - 



- 5, 2 hrs. 12—4 
10 m. 4 — 2 

20 m. 3— 3 



J8®="Topp'8 Twins and It's all in 
the Pay Streak, 35c. each. All 
others, 15c. each. Postpaid. 
Large Catalogue Free. 



DIALOGUES. 

Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

Twenty-tive original pieces, - 25c. 

When the Lessons are Over. 

New Dialogues, New Drills, New 
Plays, - 25c. 

Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen Selections, - - - 25c. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Just out. Dialogues for youths, chil- 
dren, and little tots, also pieces for 
special occasions, - - - 25c. 

SPEAKERS. 

Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pupils of all ages, - - 25c. 

Choice Pieces for Little People, 25c. 

Patriotic Speaker. 

Carefully selected from best authors, 

25c. 
Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc., 25c. 

Sunday 5chooI Pieces, - 25c. 

5crap=Book Recitations. 

A choice collection of pieces, pathetic, 
humorous, descriptive, prose and 
poetry. Eleven Nos., per No. 25c. 

TABI.EAUX AND SHADOWS. 

5hadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare them, 

25c. 
School and Parlor Tableaux. 

For school, church and parlor, 25c. 
Wax Figgers of Hrs. Jarley. 

With full directions for preparing, 25c. 

OPERETTAS. 

Bonnybell, - - - - • 25c. 

Elma, the Fairy Child, - - 25c. 

Eulalia, .----• 25c. 

Enchanted Wood, - - - 35c. 

Pocahontas, ----- 15c. 

SPECIALITIES. 

Private Theatricals. 

How to select plays, form, cast, re- 
hearsals, rain, lighming, etc., 25c. 

Negro riinstrels. 
Just the book needed. Tells the 
whole thing, ... - 25c. 

Work and Play. 
A gem of a book for children in school 
or church entertainments, - 25c. 

Pranks and Pastimes. 
All sorts of games, puzzles, shadow 
scenes, etc., for evening parties, 25c. 

Social Card Games. 

An excellent manual of all common 
games, also tricks s.\\A diversions, 35c. 

Debater's Handbook (cloth), - 50c. 

Good Manners, - - - - 25c. 

Everybody's Letter- Writer, - 25c. 



T. S. DENISON, Publisher, 163 Randolph St., Chicago. 



1>SY Sy 



iri^ct. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




016 112 405 9 i 



